Voyeur Recap: Game of Thrones, “Home”

Welcome to TLP’s Voyeur Recap – a guide for staying conversant with friends, family, and colleagues who are really into a show that you do not have the time and/or desire to watch. The first and so far only series to be included in this feature is HBO’s Game of Thrones. (FYI spoilers abound)

Bringing some treats would have made this a lot safer, dude.
Bringing some treats would have made this a lot safer, dude. Dragons 101 – bring treats.

What is Game of ThronesBased on a series of novels by comedian Steve RR Martin, Game of Thrones tells the story of a big, complicated war for power in the magical kingdom of Westeros – where the magic is the horrendous brutality (and yeah also some normal magic). The story is set up like a sort of feudal pyramid scheme of murder, where the lords of realms and houses fight with each other for power while their oldest children try to kill them and the younger children try to kill the older children and the youngest children just get killed by everybody. There is also some sex and fancy zombies, but not at the same time (yet).

What is a Voyeur Recap? Unlike Game of Thrones fans, many of us prefer to enjoy the sweeter things in life rather than get absorbed in a horrific display of violence and brutality at the beginning of each week. Nonetheless, we share an office or friendship or news feed with GoT fans and we need to be able to talk to them and/or watch out for how they might be planning to kill us this week (if your angry coworker brought their dog to work today, run). The Voyeur Recap is here to give us some information (and some laughs) while we do our best to relate to the Thronesbros in our life.

Which episode just aired? Last night’s episode was the second of season six, “Home,” which was a meditation on where you are most likely to be murdered in Westeros.

What happened in the episode (and what should I say about it)?

Ramsay Bolton, a character that exists as a power play by the showrunners to demonstrate that they can do anything and fans will still watch the show, killed his father Roose, his step-mother Walda, and his newborn half-brother Purina. He now rules Winterfell and is easily the most despised character on the show, having murdered and/or raped just about everybody with whom he has had some screen time.

What to say: “I really, really, really want Ramsay to get his comeuppance soon.”

What not to say: “Hey, dogs have to eat too, you know?”

Bonus: “What the fuck is wrong with you people?!?! How can you watch this horror week after week and call it entertainment?!!?!?!”

Also killed at home this week was Balon Greyjoy, ruler of the Iron Islands and head of the most oxymoronically named family in the Seven Kingdoms. Now the Greyjoys, including Balon’s brother/killer Euron and daughter Yara, will take part in something called a “Kingsmoot” to determine who will be the next ruler of the islands. I don’t know, but I am guessing that at a kingsmoot the participants vote with their blood, but in a reverse way where the person who has the most of their own blood still in their veins at the end wins. I’m saying they probably just kill each other until someone is left.

What to say: “Well, at least it’s not Dorne.”

What to say about it if you don’t give a fuck: “Kingsmoot? That’s the name of a band, right?”

What to say if you want to impress the GoT fans in your life: “Well, there is some question about whether or not it has been two thousand or four thousand years since the last proper kingsmoot, so it is hard to know what will happen. My money is on Yara to prevail with Aeron’s help because they both hate Euron. And then what happens if Theon gets his shit together and comes back like Torgon the Latecomer?”

Over in Meereen, Tyrion Lannister decided (presumably after some drinking), to sneak down to the basement and free the two dragons, Rhaegal and Viserion, that are chained there. Now all three of Dany’s dragons are flying around Essos (the sparsely populated, but densely stereotyped, continent east of Westeros). I’m assuming Tyrion did this because he hopes they will find Daenerys and return her to power (and thus himself to a better station), but I don’t know maybe he just thinks the countryside has too many children and livestock. Perhaps Tyrion is a Malthusian at heart and this is just some population control.

What to say about it: “Is it weird to anybody but me that the dragons are some of the least murderous characters on the show, but somehow the only ones to get chained up in a basement for their crimes?”

What to say if you want to impress: “I think the dragons will find Dany using the same psychic link that drew Drogon to her before, and then those Dothraki are going to be sorry they treated a Targaryen so badly.”

Bran Stark returned to the show and had a vision of an earlier Winterfell where his dad, Ned, and Ned’s sister Lyanna were there. Lyanna is the mother of Jon Snow by way of a (possibly forced) union with a man named Rhaegar Targaryen. This was made incredibly obvious early in the series, but people still like to debate it because nerds. Anyway, the flashback got folks really excited because it means the show will soon let fans see the whole Rhaegar/Lyanna/Tower of Light backstory that everybody has been waiting for since ever.

What to say: “Lyanna is as beautiful as Sansa and as fierce as Arya, I can’t wait to see more of her in the flashbacks.”

What to say for a laugh: “I’m more interested in Bran having a flashback that explains why Ned and Caitlyn decided to name him after a type of cereal. Winter is coming, but so is a good stool if you eat your bran!”

What to say if you want to impress: “The question I most want answered in these flashbacks is if Lyanna loved Rhaegar, or if Rhaegar took her against her will.”

What to say if you want to troll: “Look at that hair! Jon Snow is obviously a Baratheon and therefore Robert and Lyanna’s son. But I am open to you trying to convince me otherwise.”

Jon Snow is alive! Last week’s big deal, Melisandre, worked through her insecurities to do some magic that didn’t work, until it did. After everybody gave up and left the room, Jon Snow gasped himself alive in the last moment of the episode. This is important because it means one of the best and most obviously important characters on the show has returned (also one of the few likable characters). More importantly, it means everybody can STFU about whether or how it will happen. It happened! Let’s all move on.

What to say about it: “I wouldn’t want to be Allisser Thorne next week!”

What to say about it if you want a laugh: “How do I make sure my Obamacare includes the haircut-for-resurrection procedure? Fuck, I bet Melisandre is out of network.”

What to say about it if you want to impress: “I was hoping Thorne and his goons would get Jon’s body and set it on fire, then Jon could just walk off the pyre like a badass and his Targaryen ancestry would be confirmed. Plus, snow dragons! But whatever maybe next week.”

Any one liners or notable quotes? Anytime you do something nice for a Thronesbro this week, be sure to say “don’t eat the help!” You can also identify any Thronesbro in earshot at bars for a while because they’ll be saying “that’s what I do, I drink and I know things.”

Further Reading:

Screenrant’s review, which always includes a promo for next week.

Spy on fans by reading io9’s discussion thread about the episode.

Vox had an explainer for Jon Snow’s resurrection online, like, five minutes after the episode. I know news sites keep obituaries of old famous people handy, but Game of Thrones explainers? Too funny.

Questions?

If you have any questions about the show that you would like to be answered by someone who doesn’t watch it and has never read the books, use the links below to contact TLP.

Tell TLP what you think of this episode!  Send an email, comment on Facebook, or tweet on Twitter. There is also Tumblr and the comment field below, if you’re into that kind of thing. 

1 thought on “Voyeur Recap: Game of Thrones, “Home””

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s