Oregon Fail Reax, Part 2

 

oregonfailWiggum
Meme by @OsborneInk

 

My initial take on the rebellion in Oregon is here and reax part 1 (with the more serious stuff) is here. This is reax part 2, the funny stuff. Funny, here, is not just the smug ridicule and deft satire, but also the remarkable irony and hypocrisy of the whole thing. After this I think I am going to get back to reviewing tv shows and talking about Star Wars for a few days.

First up, The Onion has put up an excellent FAQ about the Oregon situation for anyone still not clear about what is happening. My favorites are:

What are the protesters’ demands?

$5 million in cash and safe passage to 1874.

and

What is the militia ultimately hoping to achieve?

Garner enough attention over next few weeks to be brought onstage during rally for a low-polling GOP candidate.

In other satirical Oregon news, Andy Borowitz goes deep into the Beaver state’s reaction to the siege, including calls for a wall to keep out angry white men:

But even as support for the Oregon wall grows, critics of the proposal say that it does nothing to address the fact that there are already thousands of angry white men living in the state.

Those critics favor forcibly removing the angry white men through mass deportations and resettling them elsewhere, possibly in Texas.

Over at the Chicago Tribune, Rex Huppke offers sincere, thoughtful support and advice to the rebels:

We’ve all had enough of President Barack Hussein Al Qaeda Benghazi Obama and his tyrannical policies, and it’s high time that people who truly love America gather up their guns and plaid outerwear and head to sparsely populated areas with promises to never leave. Ever.

Just stay there, and know that we patriots who remain trapped in the country formerly known as America have your backs and wish we could join you on your decadeslong camping trip for freedom. It’s just that we’re busy with work stuff and whatnot.

Unfortunately, the fact that the rebels did not pack much food (?!) will make it difficult for them to stay at the refuge that long. Thankfully, on Tuesday night’s Late Show, host Stephen Colbert also offered some support in the form of calling in an Oreo drop:

 

Over at The Daily Show, Jordan Klepper is doing some generous gear regifting for the cause:

 

Speaking of videos, an internet-famous amateur racist and professional traitor is one of the ringleaders of this rebellion, and he posted an overwrought video to his children from his parked SUV. Katherine Krueger at TPM has the video itself and a nice roundup of what happened next:

After John Darnielle, frontman of The Mountain Goats and all-around good internet presence, posted a parody of the video, #DaddySworeAnOath was born.

Do click the link to see some of those videos. There is something truly breathtaking about the hypocrisy of an ex-marine-turned-traitor taking up arms against the government (and by extension against all of us that the government represents) getting on a high horse about his oath to protect the constitution.

Of course, the hypocrisy doesn’t begin or end there. Ammon Bundy, the incestuously monikered leader of these rebels, thinks the federal government is great when it is loaning him – no shit – $530,000.00. When asked about this rather glaring contradiction, Bundy just pulls the string on his back:

“I am not anti-government,” he said when asked about the loan while standing outside theMalheur National Wildlife Refuge, adding that he thinks “there is a role for government and that the federal government’s role is to protect the states from the outside world.”

No word yet on just which foreign threats the states were protected from when the federal government loaned Bundy a half million dollars.

And why does he need a loan, anyway? Leah Libresco at FiveThirtyEight describes how the Bundy’s make out great on the sweetheart deal that they and other ranchers get from the BLM:

In 2012, the bureau’s fees for grazing were 93 percent cheaper than the average market rate in 16 Western states ($1.35 versus $20.10 per AUM, which is a fancy acronym for the amount of land needed to support a cow and her calf for a month1).

The bureau’s fees are so much lower than the market price in part because its fees are set at a flat, national rate and can’t be adjusted to match demand in local markets. Plus, the bureau sets that national grazing price using a formula, rather than any kind of bidding system or market appraisals, as some other federal agencies with higher prices2 do. As a result, in 2014, grazing fees covered only 15 percent of the bureau’s costs to maintain grazing lands. The rest of the cost is made up in federal appropriations and covered by taxpayers.

Yes, that’s right, Ammon and Cliven Bundy are welfare queens!

But hey, they do give back to the government. At least, they give money to candidates running for office that might give them what they want. Lauren Fox at TPM has the details, including:

… Ammon Bundy, … donated $1,000 to Ron Paul in 2008 and and another $500 in 2012. According to the E and E report, his wife Lisa Bundy also gave $2,500 to Ron Paul in 2012 as well $5,000 to an anti-gay marriage ballot initiative in the state of Arizona.

They’re anti-gay and anti-Fed. Surprise!

Obviously, not all of us can provide as much support as the Late Show and Daily Show can with their TV shows as platforms, but there is still a lot that every day Americans can do to support the ranchers, provided you are able to get out from under the yoke of the tyrannical government that makes our modern lives possible. The SideBoob Gazette HuffPo has two features to help you contribute. The first is a guide by Aaron Nemo for how to send food, or at least pictures of food (a picture is worth a thousand calories, right?):

Members of the armed group occupying a federal building on an Oregon wildlife refuge posted a plea on Facebook for care packages containing “snacks.” It’s an important reminder that if you want to overthrow the government, always start in a city that has GrubHub.

The second is an illustrated list of questions by John Trowbridge that you should ask yourself before you decide to join the rebels. This question is my favorite because it says so much about their hardship:

oregonfailKidRock

6. There’s no Kid Rock concerts in the area. Is that gonna be a problem?

***

I am sure that there are many, many more funny links out there. There was some stuff I just couldn’t bring myself to skewer – like how the Bundy’s believe that they have an ancestral claim to federal land, because their family worked the land before the feds owned it. Just think about that one for a minute, but then go re-watch the Colbert bit so you can end on a funny note.

If you want more coverage of this ongoing drama, or great coverage of rebel/gun troll behavior in general, I really recommend bookmarking Josh Marshall and his team at TalkingPointsMemo. It is a smart site in general, but they have also been very active (and way ahead of the curve) covering the goings on with white supremacists in America. For my part, I had an itch to write about this yesterday when I started my Oregon Fail post and my first of these two reax posts. And now I am burnt out and hoping this rebellion ends in some way so boring as to be unworthy of any further posting. Let’s hope we don’t see these guys again until they appear at a Ben Carson rally.

Got a question or comment? Send an email, comment on Facebook, or tweet on Twitter. Thereis also Tumblr and the comment field below, if you’re into that kind of thing. 

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